How To Be An Ally: The Why Is The Thing

In my series How To Be An Ally I hope to create a dialogue and often the first steps are rife with assumptions and misconceptions. Most understanding stems from misunderstanding first, if you overcome the discomfort to get to your role in the misstep. As such I need to address the figurative elephant in the proverbial room, as this is a question I get from many of my non-white friends and family a lot.

“Why?” in general and “Why are you spending your time and energy explaining yourself to people who do not care about you?”

I believe that building bridges through understanding has the most longstanding and effective ways of changing people. And I am really only speaking to Well-Meaning White People because they really do mean well. I am not speaking to people who are proudly ignorant, who use hate to not only distinguish themselves but also actively create fear and discomfort in the spaces they occupy. And while those people may not be beyond hope, it is not a battle I can take up. That one is on you Well-Meaning White People. I will not put my emotional and physical safety on the line because your dad is nicer than his MAGA hat says he is.

I also need to create a space that serves as a bridge of understanding for those in privilege without alienating the marginalised. Inclusion doesn’t happen when you absorb the marginalised into the majority. That’s assimilation. My hope is to create a new space that combines everyone’s experience and background to truly include every one.

This guide is just as much for people of colour as it is for the Well-Meaning White People, I am initiating the conversations so you won’t have to. Those conversations are exhausting and burdensome and ultimately there are no assurances that it will lead to any kind of change. If you are required to speak for an entire group of people because you are the only one in the room, that’s tokenism. I don’t wish that on anyone.

So let this place be the conversation you are too scared or confused or tired to have.

Ask me, not your POC co-workers.

Let’s build that bridge y’all.